to snow or not to snow

My adorable dog playing in the snow!

Apparently it’s supposed to start snowing here in Oregon pretty soon! Personally I think the best we’re gonna get is an A for effort, but I’m a pessimist. Anyway, I know one thing: it’s ridiculously cold out right now, like EAST COAST COLD. Okay, that’s not true. But I’m used to a temperate climate! I did n’t even know that there were actually sub-zero temperatures until I went to Montana. I assumed they were a story told by coat companies to scare us into buying puffer jackets. (Which are the spawn of Satan, just in case you were wondering.)

Because I care about all of you, I don’t want you to go out of your house this Winter lookin’ like a fool. (Or with your pants on the ground, but that’s a story for a different day.) You know what that means? NO UGGS. And certainly no Uggs with North Face jackets and leggings worn as pants. Don’t. Do. It. Here are a few of my favorite cold-weather styles, guaranteed to keep you cozy!

Firstly: The trapper hat!

Every stoner within a 20-mile radius will be wicked jelly

 

Definitely one of the best ways to keep your head warm. You know what your mom always told you: 98% of body heat escapes through the head! These are also very soft and cozy. Just one piece of advice: don’t fold the ear flaps up. Pretend you can’t. LEAVE ‘EM BE. There will be haters, friends and roommates may call you a hipster, (y’all know who you are). Remember this: they’re just jealous of you. Respect the hat. RESPECT IT! The hat on the right is from REI and retails for about 35 dollars, but it’s possible to find them much cheaper. Seampunks ain’t payin’ 35 clams for no hat, see?

 

 

Dos: Motorcycle boots!

You know what these boots were made for

 

 

You know what I was saying about Uggs earlier? These are much better. Not only are they much more stylish, durable, and stylish (did I already say that?), they’ll actually support your feet and legs, which Uggs will not do. It’s completely possible to find boots like this at thrift stores, but searching “vintage boots” on a site like eBay is much easier. Why vintage? Because they’ll be one-of-kind, and they’ll have that perfect I-know-I’m-BA-and-I-don’t-need-you-to-tell-me patina. It doesn’t get much cooler. If you start walking like Steve McQueen, don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you really want your feet to stay toasty, buy ’em a bit big so you can layer up on socks.

 

 

 

 

Make sure you know what you're doing before you pop that collar. It can be dangerous

Three: Peacoats!

I’m so tired of seeing every chick/bloke wearing a North face jacket. If you’re actually a climber I guess I’ll let it slide..but can we please have a little originality? It’s okay, really. Get yourself a peacoat, and make sure it fits. Arm length, where it hits on the hip, and shoulder width are all important. It’s a hunt to find the perfect one, but it’s worth it. There’s a reason these have been a classic for decades. If you get a little roomier coat you can wear a sweater/hoodie underneath to stay even warmer.

 

 

 

 

 

I blame these guys. I forget their band name

Fourthmost: party like it’s 1995..or something
So I don’t know what the thermal shirt availability is in your neck of the woods, (you can get them freakin’ everywhere here. Thanks grunge), but you should consider getting a few. Turns out they actually keep you warm, and aren’t just a statement. Oh man…do you think that’s where the name came from? I bet. Ennyhoo, they’re comfy, low-maintenance, and cheap. I get mine in bulk at Bimart. Just right for the Northwest! HA.

Make sure your scarf is the proper length, or you'll end up real depressed

 High five: scarves, glorious scarves!
I love scarves so much. I seriously have a drawer of them. They’re warm, cuddly, cheap, and they keep your neckmeat from getting hypothermia. If you have friends that knit, bribe them into making you one. Even better, learn to knit. It’s not that hard, and a scarf is the perfect starter project. If you’re friendless and uncoordinated, you can get them at the store. (Ok that may have been a bit harsh. Sorry.) Unexpectedly great place to get scarves and hats: bazaars at senior centers! Seriously. Plus they’re usually made by adorable grandmas that will talk your ear off at the drop of a hat. Aww.
Stay warm out there!
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