friday wtf: ancient aliens

So y’all can’t judge me, but I MAY have recently started watching a show about alien conspiracy theories. Why wouldn’t I? (I know, right? That’s exactly what I said! Wait. I’m talking to myself again.) It’s been another long week of work, and I needed something entertaining. Plus, it’s HILARIOUS how serious the hosts are about their ideas. These people are completely out their minds, but they are COMMITTED. Ennyhoo, ’tis called “Ancient Aliens” and it’s the funniest thing that has happened to me in some time. Not only are they explaining history in terms of, you know, CREATURES FROM SPAAAAAAACE, but the sh*t these dudes wear, man. It’s ridiculous. It must be seen to be believed. So, like the philanthropist I am, I present the men of Ancient Aliens.

This guy. Is insane. The last time I saw hair that big, I was at Miss Texas pageant. (Just kidding, I love you Texas. Please don’t put me on Death Row.) And the bronzer! What is he, a guest judge on Toddlers and Tiaras? Somebody tell the great pumpkin over there to step away from the curling iron and put down the AquaNet.

Oh honey. No. It’s 2012. That haircut needs to go someplace far away. I know you have other things to think about, but the only legendary creature you need to see is Edward Scissorhands. (Edward used to a cool name before it was associated with sparkly emos. Those were the days.) While you’re at it, burn that shirt.

BROS. I found Weird Al’s brother! Why is it not hard to believe he’d be on a show like this?! What’s in the water in Lynnwood, anyway?! This gentleman also has a impossible-to-place accent. It might also be a speech impediment. If it is, I apologize for making fun of it. However. That does NOT change the fact that he needs an appointment with Mr. Schick (and a weedwacker) ASAP.

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