I Got 99 Problems, And A Nanny (Is) One

I'm sorry, this was just too funny NOT to post.

I’m sorry, this was just too funny NOT to post.

Salutations, fair readers! I know this blog is supposed to be a DIY site, and I promise I will post some tutorials soon..I have a backlog, but not a bunch of time. Hang in there. IN the meantime, here’s a rant from yours truly on the subject of ‘laws I think are stupid.’ Enjoy.

When I was young, my dad loved to take my brother and I fishing. One of the things I remember is sometimes when we were launching the boat, an ODFW official would show up, and if we kids were wearing our lifejackets, we’d get a token for Dairy Queen ice cream. This usually led to a mad scramble for the lifejackets as soon as we left the car. We might not be Rhodes Scholars, but we’re smart enough not to pass up free dessert. That kind of thing doesn’t happen every day, after all.
Requiring young children to wear lifejackets, and rewarding them if they do so without be reprimanded, is obviously a good thing. However, when these “common-sense” laws get carried away, it becomes a problem. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Nanny Law! Here are some examples: wear your seatbelt. Don’t talk on your cell phone while driving. And, most recently: pay for your grocery bags. Oh, and you can’t have plastic bags at all in Portland, Eugene and Corvallis.
This ban brings me to my next point. Last week, I went shopping at the Winco in Corvallis. As I often do, I bought a whole, uncooked chicken. Now, I don’t know what genius designed the bags that those things come in, but they always, and I mean always, leak chicken juice. Chicken juice is not something I like to use to perfume the interior of my vehicle (especially since I very recently purchased said vehicle.) Unfortunately, I didn’t realize the plastic bag vendetta had gone into effect until I reached the register, chicken in hand (or should I say in cart.) It was thinking about leaking. I could tell just by looking at it.
So, being the polite young woman that I am, I gently requested that the cashier give me a bag for the poultry time-bomb sneering at me from the cart. “I’m sorry, plastic bags are illegal now,” she replied, scowling at me like I’d just requested she sell me some meth. In eight seconds flat, an honest, upstanding, lifejacket-wearing citizen had become a college-age hooligan. That’s what the world does to you, I guess. To make a long story short, I doubled back to the fruit section and snuck an (apparently still legal) plastic produce bag. I figured that “hey, if I’m already suspected of being a criminal, I might as well go all the way.”
All joking aside, I don’t need the government to babysit me. I’m an adult, I know how to take care of myself and make my own decisions. The Oregon legislature needs to think of better things to do than introduce proposals banning driving with a pet in the car or outlawing riding a bicycle while wearing headphones. As Oregon Senate Republican Leader Ted Ferrioli has said, “you pile those things together and it looks like government has to be involved in everyone’s lives, from cradle to grave. People come to resent that.” You think?


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