WHAT’S A SEAMPUNK?

All my life, I have hated shopping for clothes.

It happens every time. Several days before the dreaded trip, I get nervous. A knot develops in my stomach. My vision gets blurry. My hands go numb. (Okay, not really, but you get the picture.) Why, do you ask? Because nothing fits! Everything is too tight or too baggy, too long or too short, too small in the shoulders, too big in the waist . . . the list goes on and on. Who do clothing manufacturers have in mind, anyway? Whoever it is, I certainly do not fit the pattern.

When I complained to my friends about this problem, a funny thing happened. They all said the same thing! I have friends of all shapes and sizes, surely at least one of them should be able to find clothes that fit correctly, right? Wrong, apparently. I am tired of it. I am also tired of going to the mall and being confronted with rack after rack of flimsy, spaghetti-strapped, see-through, fussy, frilly, and poorly made garments. I tried a few on once. I looked like terminator Barbie. It was not a good look.

I’m here to tell you how to avoid this situation. How to take charge of your wardrobe. How to make awesome stuff that will make your friends wicked jealous. When they ask you were you got that rad thing you’re wearing, tell ’em who sent ya. Join the movement. Tell the mall where to stuff it. Become a Seampunk.

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